"Single white sock seeks same"
"I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager."
"Idea to improve NASCAR: Take half of the drivers and have them drive the other direction. I’d watch that in a heartbeat."
"Not only do I believe cannabis should be legalized, it should also be forcibly administered to Congress."
"The second I get shampoo in my eyes, I’m 100 percent sure there’s a murderer in my bathroom."